10 Ways to Cope with the Loss of a Loved One

10 Ways to Cope with the Loss of a Loved One

Published January 2017

Accepting the loss of someone you loved and cared for, no matter the time or relationship, can be challenging. Leaning on loved ones and avoiding the urge to isolate into your shell is essential. When someone you love passes on, there is a numbing pain usually felt within our core. We want to run from pain too often when it arrives. When challenges or circumstances present themselves, it is best not to run or try and hide from the emotion or event that is or has recently taken place. By running, I am also talking about resorting to substances for temporary relief. You must know that drugs and alcohol won’t bring your loved one back, and attempting to drown your pain with addictive substances can not only be fatal but can also make matters much worse.

Recently, a friend of mine passed away from an on-going battle with addiction. Heroin was his coping mechanism. Heroin is also what took him from this world. He was looking for an escape. For years, he was in discomfort with himself; in pain, many of the pieces in his life never added up to a fulfilling measure (his own belief). The truth is, he was a bright young man with a great sense of humor. Many people loved him, but sometimes (for reasons we don’t always understand) that was not enough.

There are underlying reasons for why a person does what they do. Behind every person’s addiction, behind every reason to escape the consciousness we know and feel complete when sober, is an underlying reason driving every thought and action.

When someone feels pain, they typically want to run away from it. The trouble is that pain is meant to be felt. It is a natural sensation that can benefit us in many ways. Suppose you avoid the feelings of sadness and loss. In that case, you prologue the grieving process in which delays the natural cycle of healing. It is crucial that you feel everything during this process. If you don’t, it can lead to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, anger, insomnia, job loss, relationship trouble, financial difficulties, unresolved guilt, and many other things you are much better off without.

Symptoms of Grief: 

• Shock and Disbelief– There’s a feeling of numbness that usually hits when the news has broken to loved ones of a sudden passing. The disbelief and denial of the truth are common. Only by accepting the fact and handling the information most consciously and collectively will we be better off.
• Sadness – Despair, loneliness, a sense of emptiness, and absence are common symptoms to feel during the grieving process. Crying is not a sin, so if you feel sad to let it out. Feel what you feel.
• Guilt – You may feel guilty for things you said or did to this person who has passed away. Even if the death was out of your control, you still might blame yourself for reasons you should only stop and learn to forgive now that the person has passed on.
• Anger – You may be mad at yourself, God, the situation itself, the drug that caused the death, the driver behind the wheel, or the medical team who couldn’t save them. You could be mad due to feeling abandoned. That’s okay, but don’t stay angry for too long. Forgiveness goes a long way.
• Fear – Loss can trigger feelings of worry, a loss of hope, and create insecurities.
• Physical Symptoms (Nausea, fatigue, weight loss or weight gain, insomnia, body aches)

How to Cope with Loss: 

1. Seek support in others rather than grieving alone (join a support group, talk to a therapist, turn to family and friends). Talk to someone who will listen openly to what you’re going through.
2. Be real with how YOU feel. Express your emotions, workout, shower daily, stay hydrated, and eat nutritious meals.
3. Look for what you can learn from the person’s life.
4. Write it out or create a painting to help you release any emotions you are experiencing. It’s important not to suppress any emotion because that can impact your physical and mental health down the road. 
5. Avoid drugs and alcohol – treat yourself to a sweet dessert or a sweaty workout instead (total opposites, I know).
6. Daily meditation for healing benefits and mental stability
7. Make plans for the near future to give you and others suffering something to look forward to.
8. Get out of the house at least once a day and be around other people.
9. Accept that the feelings of guilt, regret, pain, and suffering will soon pass.
10. Be patient through the grieving and healing process – take your time and allow yourself to go through every motion as you best feel fitting for yourself.