What Should I Do If My Spouse Has a Drinking Problem?

What Should I Do If My Spouse Has a Drinking Problem?

Published March 2026

Few situations are more painful than watching the person you love struggle with alcohol. Many spouses quietly ask themselves the same question:

“What should I do if my spouse has a drinking problem?”

At first, the signs may seem small. Maybe your partner drinks more than they used to. Perhaps they promise to cut back but don’t follow through. Over time, the pattern becomes harder to ignore. You may feel worried, frustrated, angry, or even helpless as you watch alcohol slowly affect your relationship, family life, and emotional connection.

If you’re asking this question, you’re not alone. Millions of families face the same struggle each year, and many are unsure how to respond in a way that is both supportive and healthy.

The important thing to understand is that you cannot control another person’s drinking, but there are meaningful steps you can take to protect yourself, support your spouse, and guide them toward help.

At Passages Malibu, we work with families every day who are facing this exact situation. Our holistic, non-12-step treatment approach focuses on identifying and healing the deeper causes of addiction so individuals can build lasting recovery.

Recognizing the Signs of a Drinking Problem

Alcohol problems rarely appear overnight. Instead, they tend to develop gradually over time.

Some warning signs that your spouse may be struggling with alcohol include:

• Drinking more frequently or in larger amounts
• Difficulty stopping once they start drinking
• Hiding alcohol use or drinking secretly
• Becoming defensive when alcohol is mentioned
• Changes in mood, irritability, or anger
• Missing work or neglecting responsibilities
• Memory blackouts after drinking
• Increased conflict within the relationship

Not every person who drinks heavily has an alcohol use disorder, but these patterns can signal that alcohol is beginning to take control.

If alcohol is negatively affecting your spouse’s health, behavior, or your relationship, it may be time to consider professional help.

Why It Can Be Hard to Talk About Alcohol

Many spouses hesitate to bring up drinking concerns because they fear conflict or denial.

Alcohol can create powerful psychological defenses, and your partner may not see their behavior the same way you do.

Common reactions when drinking is questioned include:

• Denial — “I don’t have a problem.”
• Minimizing — “I only drink socially.”
• Defensiveness — “You’re overreacting.”
• Anger — “Stop trying to control me.”

These reactions can make conversations feel discouraging. However, understanding why your spouse reacts this way can help you approach the conversation more effectively.

Addiction often clouds self-awareness and makes it difficult for someone to recognize the seriousness of their behavior.

How Alcohol Problems Affect Relationships

When alcohol begins to take priority in someone’s life, relationships are often one of the first areas affected.

Spouses frequently experience:

• Loss of trust
• Emotional distance
• Communication breakdowns
• Financial stress
• Increased arguments
• Feelings of loneliness or resentment

Over time, these challenges can place enormous strain on a marriage.

It’s important to remember that alcohol addiction affects the entire family, not just the person who is drinking.

How to Talk to Your Spouse About Their Drinking

Approaching your spouse about their drinking requires care and patience. The goal is not to accuse or shame them but to express concern and open the door for honest conversation.

Choose the Right Time

Avoid starting the conversation when your spouse has been drinking or when emotions are already running high.

Pick a calm moment when both of you can talk openly.

Speak From Concern, Not Criticism

Use language that focuses on your feelings rather than accusations.

For example:

“I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m worried about how much you’ve been drinking.”

This approach reduces defensiveness and encourages dialogue.

Be Specific

Pointing to specific behaviors can help your spouse understand your concern.

For example:

“I noticed you’ve been drinking every night this week, and it’s affecting how we communicate.”

Clear observations are often more effective than general statements.

Avoid Enabling the Behavior

While supporting your spouse emotionally is important, it’s also essential to avoid enabling behaviors that allow the drinking problem to continue.

Enabling can take many forms, such as:

• Making excuses for their behavior
• Covering up missed responsibilities
• Providing money that may be used for alcohol
• Ignoring problems to avoid conflict

Setting healthy boundaries helps protect your well-being while encouraging accountability.

Understanding the Root Causes of Addiction

At Passages Malibu, we believe alcohol addiction is rarely the root problem. Instead, it is often a symptom of deeper underlying conditions.

Our philosophy identifies four primary factors that can drive substance use:

• A chemical imbalance
• Unresolved experiences from the past
• Current life challenges that feel overwhelming
• Limiting beliefs that are not true

When these underlying issues are addressed through personalized therapy, individuals often discover that their need to rely on alcohol fades naturally.

When Professional Treatment May Be Necessary

If alcohol is seriously affecting your spouse’s health, behavior, or your relationship, professional treatment may be the most effective path forward.

Signs that treatment may be needed include:

• Inability to stop drinking despite attempts
• Withdrawal symptoms when not drinking
• Alcohol affecting work or responsibilities
• Legal or financial consequences
• Relationship breakdowns due to alcohol

Treatment provides a structured environment where individuals can explore the deeper reasons behind their drinking and develop healthier coping strategies.

What Makes Passages Malibu Different

A Non-12-Step Approach

Passages Malibu does not follow the traditional 12-Step model.

Clients are not required to identify themselves as addicts or alcoholics, and addiction is not viewed as a permanent disease.

Instead, we focus on healing the underlying causes of substance use.

Extensive One-on-One Therapy

Many treatment centers rely heavily on group meetings.

At Passages Malibu, clients receive 60–70 hours of one-on-one therapy each month, allowing treatment to be fully individualized.

Clients work with a team that may include:

• Medical Doctor
• Psychiatrist
• Psychologist
• Marriage and Family Therapist
• Chemical Dependency Counselor
• Hypnotherapist
• Acupuncturist
• Spiritual Counselor
• Physical Trainer
• Aftercare Planner

A Luxury Healing Environment

Passages Malibu offers a peaceful, private setting overlooking the Pacific Ocean where individuals can focus entirely on healing.

Amenities include:

• Private suites with high-speed internet
• Gourmet chef-prepared meals
• Ocean-view pool and hot tub
• Tennis court and fitness center
• Personal training sessions
• Beautiful landscaped grounds designed for reflection

Clients are also allowed to keep their cell phones and laptops, enabling them to stay connected with family and responsibilities.

A Family-Run Treatment Center Since 2001

Passages Malibu was founded by Chris and Pax Prentiss after Pax struggled with addiction for nearly ten years.

Traditional treatment programs did not address the deeper causes of his substance use, which led to repeated relapses.

Chris developed a holistic treatment approach focused on resolving those underlying issues. That approach transformed Pax’s life and led to the creation of Passages Malibu.

More than two decades later, Pax continues to oversee the program and personally speak with individuals considering treatment.

Insurance Coverage May Help Make Treatment Affordable

Passages Malibu works with many major insurance providers, including:

Aetna
Anthem
Beacon
Blue Cross Blue Shield
ComPsych
HealthNet
Humana
Magellan
MHN
MultiPlan
Three Rivers
TriCare
Value Options

Our admissions team can help verify your insurance benefits and explain available options.

You Don’t Have to Face This Alone

If your spouse is struggling with alcohol, the situation can feel overwhelming—but help is available.

Speaking with an experienced addiction professional can provide guidance, clarity, and support for both you and your partner.